Let’s Be Honest: Making Friends as an Adult Is Weirdly Complicated

by Maria Williams

Somewhere between carpool lines, work deadlines, and pretending we still understand TikTok, friendship starts to feel like a luxury item. Like that fancy candle you never light because it’s too nice. Does everyone have one of those, or is it just me? But here’s the truth, my friend: we need connection as much as we need coffee. And not just the quick “like your post” kind. I’m talking about the belly-laugh, text-you-at-midnight kind. Don’t text me after midnight though, I’m definitely sleeping! So let’s talk about growing friendships in our thirties, forties, and beyond. These are the kind of friendships that last longer than a trending skincare product.

Why Friendships Feel So Different Now

When we were younger, friendships came with built-in proximity. Dorm rooms, office happy hours, endless group texts. But now? Everyone’s calendar looks like a game of emotional Tetris. Between partners, kids, careers, and Netflix queues, we barely have time to breathe, let alone bond. But here’s the thing, depth beats frequency every time. You don’t need a dozen brunch buddies. You just need a few people who know your coffee order and your emotional triggers.

Step One: The Courage to Connect, Even When It Feels Awkward

Making new friends as an adult can feel like dating without the apps (or worse—with them). But every meaningful friendship starts with one brave moment of outreach. Compliment someone’s shoes. Ask your coworker about that book they mentioned. Send a “thinking of you” text without overanalyzing the emoji choice. You’re not being weird, you’re opening the door. And sometimes, that’s all it takes.

Step Two: Water What Feeds You

Here’s my rule: if spending time with someone feels like an energy smoothie instead of an energy drain, that’s your person. Notice who makes you laugh until you snort. Who calls you out and calls you in. Who doesn’t compete, but cheers. Those are the friendships worth watering. And watering doesn’t mean daily check-ins, it means consistent care. A voice note. A quick meme. An invitation to walk instead of text.

Step Three: Don’t Audition for your Friendships

Boundaries help the right connections grow stronger. Not every friendship survives every season. And that’s okay. Growth sometimes means pruning. If someone consistently leaves you feeling smaller, unheard, or like you’re auditioning for their attention, pause. You don’t need to ghost them, but you can adjust the lighting. Less spotlight, more background.

Step Four: Share the Sunshine

Friendship thrives on shared joy. Celebrate each other’s wins loudly and without comparison. Be the person who claps first and longest. And for the love of all things caffeinated, stop assuming everyone’s “too busy.” We’re all busy. Send the invite anyway. Host the backyard fire pit party where you BYOB and enjoy the sights and sounds of friendship. Make it easy and real. This will help you do it more often.

The Callout: You Are Worth the Effort

Friendship doesn’t magically stay alive—it grows because you choose to tend it. Whether you send a meme, drop off soup, or simply listen without fixing, you’re building something sacred. That kind of love? It never goes out of style.

Step Five: Let Friendship Evolve

Your best friend at twenty might not walk beside you at forty, and that’s not failure. It’s evolution. If you keep the same friends, that means you were able to grow and evolve together. Good for You! You have found your people! Some people are chapters; others are whole volumes. Let it unfold. Always remember to stay open to surprise friendships, the neighbor who waves every morning, the mom from your kid’s soccer team, the colleague who gets your sarcasm. Believe it or not, some people don’t even like sarcasm…hmmmm, weird! Sometimes the next great friendship starts with one shared eye roll in a meeting. For the record, I would never roll my eyes. Well……..

Step Six: Be the Friend You’re Looking For

We all want someone to check in on us, remember our birthdays, and send memes that make us choke on our coffee. But we forget, we can be that person first. Kindness has a boomerang effect. It always finds its way back. So send the text. Make the plan. Light the candle. Friendship isn’t waiting for you to find time, it’s waiting for you to make room for amazing girlfriends. — Ready to keep reading about all the good stuff life has to offer? My book The Pretty Truth dives even deeper into creating a life that feels just as beautiful as it looks. Buy The Pretty Truth

Xo, Maria

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